20 August 2024
‘Bad listeners’
‘In fact, few people are good listeners, and this statement also applies to most psychotherapists, social workers, teachers and all other people in a profession where good listening is a requirement.’ Eugene Gendlin was professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, founder of the Focusing method.
He puts pressure on himself for his favourite method to land well with his coachee. The coach describes, sketches and shares his vision. The coach, my supervisee, regularly receives the feedback, however, that his coachees feel their coaching question is subordinate to what he wants. That stings him, because he tries so hard. But the coachee and the coaching question are central, so how can he reconcile this?
We discuss his supervision question. In the contracting phase it emerges that he would like to distinguish himself from the other roughly one hundred and twenty thousand coaches (source: Chamber of Commerce). On top of that, when he himself was coached, he found this method clear and handy. I take him back to his start. What did his coach use at the time that made him become enthusiastic? His eyes dart back and forth and he falls silent. ‘She could listen so well... Without judgement, but at the same time she also stood for something. Sounds contradictory, doesn't it? She broadened my view and I found it...,’ he starts to laugh, ’magical.’
‘What do you take from that into your own coaching practice?’ I ask him. He rubs his eyes and sighs: ‘That hits home. But how and when do I then use a method?’ We go through a coaching conversation in which the coaching relationship was central, together with the use of his method. It gives him the realisation that he has gone ‘back to basics’ of what coaching is about: the skill of listening deeply, or in Gendlin's words: ‘absolutely’. Meanwhile he learns to expand his ‘toolkit’ further, so that he can deploy interventions more flexibly.
How do you reflect?
In the autumn I am starting group supervision for professional coaches with work related coaching practices.
Reviews: ‘Many thanks Valerie for your guidance and input into our supervision sessions. I have found them very useful in developing my skill as a coach and mentor. It's great to share issues/thoughts with others!’ Heather Coppock BSc, DMS, AdCertEd | EMCC Coach
The approach is eclectic. After the contracting, with attention for the holding space, we alternate between case material, a thematic exercise and so on. Working languages: Dutch or English.
#coaching #supervision #professionallearning