Self knowledge is (authentic) power

‘Who are you?’

‘Are you the same as you were in your first year of school?’, that was the question a number of pupils in their final year of primary school were asked. ‘I had those funny buck teeth’, ‘I was very small’, ‘I looked up to the older children’. They were paired up in twos, now with the question: ‘which personal characteristics suit you?’. That was harder. Then the other was allowed to say what they liked about their conversation partner. That went a little more easily.

Me and the other

It is by now a given that we largely get to know ourselves through our surroundings. Through pleasant and less pleasant experiences a mirror is held up to us. Through the feedback we receive we can develop our self knowledge. That is usually not a clear cut, straightforward process from A to B to C. Our self image is partly built from old stones. Stones we received from our (grand)parents, with which we have made a structure.

Sometimes a stone turns out to chafe, works loose from the construction. Because we (think we) have no other means, we put it back as best we can. But what if you take the stone out and examine it? Does the structure collapse if you leave a temporary opening in it? Or does it offer room to place a new, more fitting stone (a ‘conviction’)?

How we see ourselves, our self image, arises partly through our surroundings. We largely take on the views we are given at home. Around our 12^th year, when we go to secondary school, other rules come into play. The rules of other social groups. Pupils you do or do not want to belong to. We exchange part of our views. This continues as we go on to study, work and find a partner. Often a number of basic convictions remain standing. Until, for example, we lose our job, our health or our relationship. Then it becomes time to look at which convictions to examine. For example about ‘security’: what does this actually mean? Is it continuing to search for a permanent job because that was a norm from home? ‘Make sure you have a permanent job, because that offers security’. In times of continuous change, however, permanent jobs are no longer as secure as they seem.

On to a new phase

• Examine your convictions and make a clean sweep: ‘which building block works and which one no longer does?’
• Develop your self knowledge by making a mind map of your career so far. What have you left behind, which emotions were at play then and now in certain situations, and which messages lie behind them?
• Stay in contact with former colleagues, former students, former employers and ask them about their experiences: be curious about their drivers;
• Explore the market(s), new initiatives outside the worlds familiar to you;
• Make sure you have a good balance between: relationships, working, learning, health and creating.

Valérie Docters van Leeuwen, senior practitioner NOBCO, EQ-i test by Dr. R. Bar-On° and master of the Leary's Rose